24-Hour Crisis Line 363-2093 or toll free 1-800-208-0388
Our crisis and information line is available 24 hours-a-day, seven days-a-week. Call us if you have an urgent situation, want more information about our services, or would like to speak with an advocate. We're here to listen and help.

24-Hour Shelter
If you want to leave an abusive situation and need a safe, confidential place to stay, our 24-hour shelter is available for you and your children by calling the Domestic Violence Crisis Line.

Advocacy
Our staff is available to act as advocates for you, keeping you informed about your choices within the legal, medical and social services systems. We also have a child advocate on staff to help meet the special needs of children who come to the shelter.

Peer Counseling and Support Group
Waypoint offers one-on-one crisis meetings as well as group support for women who are or have been in an abusive relationship. Support groups are available for children ages five and older as well. For younger children, we will provide the appropriate referrals to other community agencies.

Weekly Domestic Violence Support Groups:
Women's Domestic Violence Support Group
For women age 18 and up who have experienced domestic violence. Free child care available.

Children's Domestic Violence Support Group
For children age 5-12 who have experienced or witnessed domestic violence.
Mom must attend DV group, be in shelter or otherwise remain on the premises.

Teen Talk
For young women ages 13 - 17. A support group addressing dating relationships, sexual assault, domestic violence, and other related issues.

Referrals and Information
Waypoint will help you get connected with other community agencies to meet additional needs you may have, such as finding housing, applying for social services, or continuing your education.

Community Education
We are committed to educating our youth, area businesses, churches, groups and individuals about domestic violence and the impact it has on our community. We are available to speak to your group, school, business, group at any time. For information on education and outreach programs, or to arrange a speaker, call us at 319/365-1458 ext. 118.

1. Get Away.
   Prepare an escape route and take important papers with you such as birth certificates and medical records.
2. Call the Police or the Waypoint Domestic Violence Crisis Line - 363-2093 or 1-800-208-0388.
   Iowa has laws to help protect victims of domestic violence. Waypoint can offer support as you explore your emotions, needs and options.
3. Get Medical Help if Needed.
   A medical exam can check for injuries and collect necessary evidence if you are considering legal action.
4. Find Shelter.
   Call the Waypoint Domestic Violence Crisis Line at 363-2093 or 1-800-208-0388 or Waypoint at 365-1458 for assistance in finding a safe, confidential place to stay.

What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is physical, mental, sexual or emotional abuse in an intimate relationship. It occurs when one person uses abusive tactics to gain power and control over a partner or former partner.

Domestic violence hits homes in every community. It has a devastating effect on victims, children, families and communities.

Examples of Abusive Behaviors:

• To withhold approval, appreciation or affection as punishment;
• To continually criticized you, call you names, shout at you;
• To ignore your feelings;
• To be very jealous, harassing you about imagined affairs;
• To manipulate you with lies and contradictions;
• To humiliate you in private or public;
• To insult or drive away your friends or family;
• To take car keys or money away from you;
• To lock you out of the house;
• To throw objects at you;
• To punch, shove, slap, bite, kick, choke, or hit you;
• To threaten to kidnap the children if you leave;
• To threaten to commit suicide or homicide if you leave.

Iowa Statistics on Domestic Violence
Click here for Iowa Statistics on Domestic Violence compiled by the Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

National Statistics on Domestic Violence

• Click here for National Statistics: http://www.ndvh.org/dvInfo.html#stats
• Click here for information from the U.S Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Information on domestic violence: http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/ipvfacts.html
• In the United States, a woman is battered every nine seconds.
• 52% of female homicide victims are killed by their intimate partners.
• 75% of all battered women are divorced or separated from their abusive partners.
• Battering is the single greatest cause of injury to women, exceeding muggings and car accidents.
• In homes where the partner abuse occurs, children are 15 times more likely to be abused.

What is Teen Dating Violence?
Dating violence is a behavior in which one partner tries to maintain power and control over the other by using intimidation, confusion, isolation and fear in the relationship.

Why is Teen Dating Violence a Problem?
Dating violence affects both girls and boys from all economic, ethnic and racial groups.

It is often hidden because teenagers typically:

• are inexperienced with dating relationships.
• are pressured by peers.
• want independence from parents.
• have "romantic" views of love

Unfortunately, adults too often minimize teenage relationships. When adults don't take these teen relationships seriously, they don't recognize the warning signs of abuse. Teens who find themselves in an abusive relationship believe they have nowhere to go and no one to talk to about the relationship, yet they have to see their boyfriend/girlfriend every day at school.

Statistics on Teen Dating Violence

1 out of 4 teens will experience abuse in their dating relationships by the age of 18.

• According to the US centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2002, 22% of high school students are victims of nonsexual dating violence, 2001.

Statistics from the Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000:

• About one in four high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.
• Forty percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
• In one study, from 30 to 50 percent of female high school students reported having already experienced teen dating violence.
• Teen dating violence most often takes place in the home of one of the partners.
• In 1995, 7 percent of all murder victims were young women who were killed by their boyfriends.
• One in five or 20 percent of dating couples report some type of violence in their relationship.
• One of five college females will experience some form of dating violence.
• A survey of 500 young women, ages 15 to 24, found that 60 percent were currently involved in an ongoing abusive relationship and all participants had experienced violence in a dating relationship.
• More than 4 in every 10 incidents of domestic violence involves non-married persons

Click here to download a Teen Dating Violence brochure, which includes definitions and examples of behaviors in healthy and unhealthy dating relationships.

Healthy Relationship: Equality
Although "equality" is defined differently by partners in every relationship, the following model was developed to provide survivors of domestic abuse with a picture of attitudes and behaviors that might be expected in a healthy relationship.

NON VIOLENCE

NEGOTIATION AND FAIRNESS
Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions and conflict
Accepting change
Being willing to compromise

ECONOMIC PARTNERSHIP
Making money decisions together
Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements

SHARED RESPONSIBILITY
Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work
Making family decisions together

RESPONSIBLE PARENTING
Sharing parental responsibilities
Being a positive, non-violent role model for the children

HONESTY AND ACCOUNTABILITY
Accepting responsibility for self
Acknowledging past use of violence
Admitting being wrong
Communicating openly and truthfully

TRUST AND SUPPORT
Supporting her goals in life
Respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions

RESPECT
Listening to her non-judgmentally
Being emotionally affirming and understanding
Valuing opinions

Developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Program, Duluth, Minnesota


Unhealthy Relationship: Power and Control
Researchers developed this model to show common tactics batterers use to achieve and maintain power in intimate relationships. Although every relationship has different dynamics, many abuse victims say that they have experienced many-if not all-of these attitudes and behaviors from their abuser.

COERCION AND THREATS
Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt your partner
Threaten to leave your partner, to commit suicide, to report your partner to welfare
Making your partner drop charges
Making your partner do illegal drugs

ECONOMIC ABUSE
Preventing your partner from getting or keeping a job
Making your partner ask for money
Giving your partner an allowance
Taking your partner money
Not letting your partner know about or have access to family income

USING MALE PRIVILEGE
Treating your partner like a servant
Making all the big decisions
Acting like the master of the castle
Being the one to define men's and women's roles

USING CHILDREN
Making your partner feel guilty about the children
Using the children to relay messages
Using visitation to harass your partner
Threatening to take the children away

MINIMIZING, DENYING AND BLAMING
Making light of the abuse and not taking your partner's concerns about it seriously
Saying the abuse didn't happen
Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior
Saying your partner caused it

ISOLATION
Controlling what your partner does, who your partner sees and talks to, what your partner reads and where your partner goes
Limiting your partner's outside involvement
Using jealousy to justify actions

EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Putting your partner down
Making your partner feel bad about themselves
Calling your partner names
Making your partner think she's crazy
Playing mind games
Humiliating your partner
Making your partner feel guilty

INTIMIDATION
Making your partner afraid by using looks, actions, gestures
Smashing things
Destroying your partner's property
Abusing pets
Displaying weapons

• First, you will need to determine a time and place where it is safe to talk.
• Ask respectful questions that give them opportunity to talk.
• Listen. Don't judge them or react in shock.
• Be prepared for how they will react - they may deny it, be angry with you or tell you to mind your own business.
• Affirm their feelings.
• Be supportive without giving advice. The "You should" approach isn't helpful.
• Challenge the abusive behavior and patterns in the relationship.
• Tell your friend they are not to blame for the violence. The abuser is responsible.
• Connect your friend with community resources.
• Be there.
• Be patient.
• Be a source of support and continually remind them of their strengths.

Does your relationship pass the test?

• Do you not see friends because of his/her jealousy?
  YES / NO
• Are you frequently accused of things you haven't done?
  YES / NO
• Are you constantly blamed for arguments or problems, and is everything said to be your fault?
  YES / NO
• Do you feel like you can't ever "win" in a situation?
  YES / NO
• Does your partner always want to know what you're doing and who you are with?
  YES / NO
• Are you constantly criticized about your body and looks?
  YES / NO
• Have you had lies told about you or been humiliated in front of your friends by your partner?
  YES / NO
• Are you told how lucky you are to have him/her, since no one else would ever want you?
  YES / NO
• Does your partner threaten to hurt you or others if you end the relationship?
  YES / NO
• Have you become secretive or hostile toward your parents because of this relationship?
  YES / NO
• Are you protective of your partner when he/she mistreats you - do you rationalize their behavior?
  YES / NO
• Have you ever been grabbed or shoved by your partner?
  YES / NO

If you've answered yes more than twice, it's important to realize that these behaviors are signs of an abusive relationship. Although sometimes it may not seem like it, there are people to talk to. Call the Waypoint Domestic Violence Crisis Line for more information.

© Cornerstone's PAVE Program, 2002

Resources In Iowa

• Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence
  www.icadv.org
• Iowa 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline
  1-800-742-0333
• Iowa Crime Victim Compensation Program - Iowa Attorney General
  www.state.ia.us/government/ag/comp.html
• Information on Pro Se Restraining Orders and Forms in Iowa
  www.judicial.state.ia.us/families/domviol/domabuse.asp#forms
• Iowa Domestic Violence Programs

  Adel	800/400-4095
  Algona	515/295-7198
  Ames	800/203-3488
  Atlantic	800/696-5123
  Burlington	319/752-4475
  Carroll	800/383-9744
  Cedar Rapids	800/208-0388
  Cherokee	800/225-7233
  Clinton	319/243-7867
  Council Bluffs	712/328-0266
  Creston	888/782-6632
  Davenport	319/326-9191
  Decorah	800/383-2988
  Des Moines	800/942-0333
  Dubuque	563/556-3371
  Fort Dodge	515/573-8000
  Grundy Center	800/666-7458
  Iowa City	800/373-1043
  Jefferson	515/386-5206
  Keokuk	319/524-4445
  Knoxville	800/433-7233
  Marshalltown	800/779-3512
  Mason City	800/479-9071
  Muscatine	319/263-8080
  Oskaloosa	515/673-5499
  Ottumwa	800/464-8340
  Sioux Center	800/382-5603
  Sioux City	800/982-7233
  Spirit Lake	712/362-4612
  Waterloo	319/233-8484
  Waverly	319/352-0037

National Organizations

• National Domestic Violence Hotline
  1-800-799-SAFE
• Family Violence Prevention Fund
  http://endabuse.org
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
  http://ncadv.org
• www.giftfromwithin.org
• Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence
  www.faithtrustinstitute.org
• American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence
  www.abanet.org/domviol/home.html
• Domestic Violence FAQ's
  www.solcom/~paladin/madv/faq-dv.html
• Violence Against Women Office
  www.ojp.usdoj.gov/vawa
• The Silent Witness National Initiative
  www.silentwitness.net
• Men Stopping Violence
  http://www.menstoppingviolence.org

Teen Dating Violence

• National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 866-331-9474
• www.loveisrespect.org
• www.uhavetheright.net
• www.breakthecycle.org
• www.teenrelationships.org
• www.loveisnotabuse.com

Recommended Books

Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft (Putnam)

Victim No More, Jean Carlton (Stonehorse Press)

Getting Free, Ginny NiCarthy (Seal Press)

You Can Be Free, Ginny NiCarthy & Sue Davidson (Seal Press)

Women and Male Violence, Susan Schechter (South End Press)

When Love Goes Wrong, Ann Jones & Susan Schechter (Harper Collins Publishers)

Reach for the Rainbow, Lynne D. Finney, J.D., M.S.W. (Putnam Publishing Group)

The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Patricia Evans (Bob Adams Inc.)

To Be an Anchor in the Storm - A Guide for Families & Friends of Abused Women, Susan Brewster, M.S.S.W. (Ballantine Books)

For Teens

Dating Violence: Young Women in Danger. Ed. Barrie Levy. Seattle: Seal Press, 1998

When "I Love You" Turns Violent: Emotional and Physical Abuse in Dating Relationships. Johnson, Scott A. New Jersey: New Horizon Press, 1997

In Love and In Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships. Levy, Barrie. Seattle. Seal Press, 1998

For Parents

Dating Violence: Young Women in Danger. Ed. Barrie Levy. Seattle: Seal Process, 1998.

What Parents Need to Know About Dating Violence. Levy, Barrie and Patricia Occhiuzzo Giggans. Seattle: Seal Press, 1995.

Other Agencies in Eastern Iowa That Can Help

Dial 211, a 24-hour number provided by United Way of East Central Iowa for information and referrals to health and human service information in Linn and surrounding Iowa counties.